I'm getting set for my exam. Still doing my last minute revision with my friend Nonye. I don't take last minute revision for granted o.

Right now, my head is full of Economic equations and Balance of Payment figures.

I feel better now that i've seen my friends and talked to my room mates about how depressed i felt last night. To think that i felt so much hate for everyone including them? Wow how funnier can life get!

I'm off jare, see you soon.

Why is it that once a person becomes a celebrity, a lot of people just want to antagonise them.

I uploaded one of my boyfriend's blog posts on my booksie, and on Ghanian chic who claims to be a fan of his posts a query as comment. (i wonder how her voice would sound when she's speaking the pidgin she wrote sef. Ha ha ha. I know it would have sounded funny)

I saw sense in what he (my Bf) wrote so i decided to share it with joy but after i read her comment, i got angry so i had to delete the post. I admit that what she said was quite sensible but... Nevermind jare. What ever sha. Lol.

Let me get some sleep so i can smash an 'A' in the exam i have today. My head feels like it will explode.

Final Year in Third Year

Ok, i guess many of you heard about the riot in my school, UNN, on the 16th day of January 2010. The good news is that it earned all the students a 4 week long forced holiday which i tried all that was necessary to enjoy.

We got called back to school on the 15th day of febuary so 2nd semester exams for 2008/2009 session could commence on the 19th day of febuary 2010. All students were asked to resume with two letters of undertaking, one from their parents or guardian and another from them, to be of good behaviour throughout their stay in school as students of the University.

With all that said and done, i think the idea of writing and submitting the letter is dumb, but i did anyway. The truth is that such documents are useless and baseless in Nigeria. I remember i signed an undertaking form when i got admitted into the University and even swore an oath to be of good behaviour, but who go remember am? Its not that i'm comfortable with violence, but the our VC asked for it! All we students did was to stand for our rights and defend it. I know we went through extreme measures which were quite uncalled for but in the end we made our point for good. I just hope he learnt a good lesson sha.

My exams begin tomorrow and my first paper, International Economics (ECO 342), has been scheduled to begin by 9am. I wish myself the best and I'm working towards that too. Well what more can a final year student in third year wish for?

Considering that i can now update my blog via my phone, i'll be writing stuff frequently here. I just hope my blog will be an effective Antidote against my Facebook virus. I want to quit facebook for good and though i can say so far so good, its not been easy o. Lol.

I have to go now but i'll be back soon so dont shed tears yet you hear? He he he. Lol. Byeee...

FOR AS LONG AS I AM.

FOR AS LONG AS I AM.

One hundred and eighty seven people. There were one hundred and eighty seven people at my funeral. Eighty seven of them were those who were dead and already buried, while the one hundred were the living souls who showed up to pay their last respect to me.

My spirit had grown very weary after a hard five year long battle against cancer. I had to give up because I could not keep up with the fight anymore. I was ten years old when I was diagnosed of cancer and fifteen years old when I died. I was the only child my mother had bourn but they lost me any way.

My parents loved me very much and they showed it in every way they could. I never knew who I really looked like because a lot of people said I had my mother’s eyes though I looked like my father, while some said it was only my father’s nose I had inherited. My father said my eyes gave him peace and made him calm whenever he looked at them but he was jealous that my mother and I shared the same eyes. Mum and Dad loved each other very much and they had a very strong bond too. They always teased and played with each other a lot. They were the best people in the world as far as I was concerned.

For five long years, while cancer ate me up in bits, I got an endless never dying rain of love from them. I died of leukemia. The wicked cancer cells ate my blood cells up and left me for dead. The doctors believed it was a miracle that I was able to live with the illness for as long as I did. I woke up every morning grateful to God for a new miracle of life. We might never understand the value of life until we come close to loosing it everyday. I went to bed each day for those five years, waiting on death. It was no august visitor when it came I took me away.
Waiting for death made me appreciate life better. It made me love every strand of the sun’s rays that penetrated my skin, and every rain drop that slid down my body. The sound of the wind became good music, while heat became necessary combustion. I realized how much I was going to miss them when I was finally gone.

Mum and Dad were with me always. They became the evidence that God is.

On those days I passed out or went into a coma, they stayed there with me till I came back. They never gave God a break because they prayed ceaselessly. On the day I died, I passed out for a couple of minutes and came back again. Mother had been falling in and out of good health herself so she had a test done the day before the day I died. Her result was ready that morning. She was pregnant. She was two moths pregnant and she had no idea she was. At least one prayer had been answered. Dad told me about it just before life was sipped out of me. He said he hoped it would be a baby girl this time, and I told him her name would be Chiwetara. Death took its pond of flesh that day, and all that was left of my sick blood went with it.

I was buried after two days and I was happy my little sister was there at my funeral. We never got the chance to see each other though. There were ninety nine people clothed in black, and she was the hundredth person clothed in ammonic fluid.

The choir chanted hymns, the priest preached and prayed, while the rest of the people listened and cried. No interment followed so many people went home after the funeral. A few close family friends escorted my Parents home to console them, while I stayed back in my new box. The box smelt of fresh paint and lavender. It was hot and stuffy inside when it was closed, but I stayed inside it anyway. They dressed my cold lifeless body in a beautiful suit and laid me in the box to rest.

That year was tough for my family, but I had hope that they would pull through it in one piece. Chiwetara was going to be born to the finest parents who would give her the best of all they have. I knew I could trust them with that.

As for me, my flesh and life were gone but I hoped that the memories of me that people had would live on. I have lived while I could and will be dead for as long as I am.
-Chizitere

WITH ALL MY TEARS.

This poem is for you Henry. Sorry about all the wrong words i used against you while you where here. You were very special in every way.


YOUR ODE...

Words cut deep
but this sorrow cuts
in deeper.
tears stroll down my
rough face and flow
into my pillow
like rivers empty
into the sea.
My saliva is sticky
and soft while
my constant drooling
has marked a white
lane across my cheek.
I'm weak from my
crying but my heart
mourns till my very
own life is exhausted.
I have cried over everthing
and the thought that you
will never be here to
console me, tears me to
shredds within.
There was so much
I had to talk to you about,
and so many kisses left unkissed.
My body longs for
your touch and caress.
My nose longs to smell
you strong sweet scent
again.
Where are you my love?
Will you be back?
How long do i have to wait?
I'm willing to wait for
your return but everyone around
tells me i have to forget you.
I can't do that baby,
why should i forget you?
No one is stronger than
death.
Nothing is.
I had thought the
love we had was,
but i was wrong.
death deceived our love
and took you away from me.
Honey,
How long will you be gone?
Forever?
Should i wait?
I can wait forever
if you want me to,
but i dont think i would.
I will not wait.
You did not wait.
You shouldn't have left me.
I still love you baby,
and thats why I'll live.
I'll soak my pillow
every night mourning your death,
and drain it all up
by morning, living for you.
I live loving you,
and die happy i was your lover.
-Chizitere
*I worte this poem for my friend who lost her Fiance. This poem is for you Nonye but i dedicate it to Henry Nwosu. Rest in peace dear friend.

Long time no write!!!!

I hate cyber cafes. Its not that I do not want them to exist but the time constraint is too annoying.

Ok I'm in one now, and apart from the fact that their servers are usually snaily slow, the heat (which can kill but i haven't die from yet) is davastating!

School has been so choked up and hectic that i haven't been able to write even a single simple poem. I feel like my brain is stuck.

Well it hasn't been so bad though cos I've been having good fun and bad fights with a lot of my friends (Drumliners take note).

I'm still working on my novel (can you imagine such laziness?) and I must say I'm really enjoying the job a lot.
The past week has been for school and work with the newspaper I work with (Drumline). We recently hosted a booktrek which although it went successfully is causing wahala between all my friends on the board. Sad right? Well I hope all the scores get settled today or tomorrow cos i want to see all my friends happy and together again.

Enough of that gist now cos it s your turn to tell me how you are (so tell me)...

I have to go now but before I do, i just want to tell Gabriella Amadi (who is beside me by the way,) that I love her very much. She has been a very lovely big sister to me. (she said enough of all this. hahaha.. lol!).

I hope i write something new soon so I can post it here. Till i write again, I want you all to know I love you as much as my heart will let me. Be good you all. God's grace!!!!!

HER HAUNTED SPIRIT

My haunted spirit..

I stand, yet i fall.
I feel strong yet my health
fails..

My heart is heavy
and i can't carry anymore

I feel destroyed
but my secret is shut inside.
Dark, gory, scary and lovely.

I sip my last liquor.
I taste my last blood.

My tongue is so redded out
but in a few minutes,
I'll pink it back.

My head screams
each time i hear your name.
My heart loves it.
My mind isn't sure.

I have trekked into the woods
and before me lies this:
I saw Mandy's body.
He had ripped off every slime
of life in her.

Her head was gone
but i know her figure too well.
I couldn't help her.
I should have.

Blood stuck it's red
self out of her neck.
I love those blue jeans
she died with.

i would have killed her to get them.
But i didn't.
now he did.
He pulled her head away with
a slice from his knife....

i remember her.
I remember him
I'll never forget them.

I want to stop now....
-Chizitere.

Sweet Escape

After three months of hardwork and laziness, I have finally reached the last stage of my Novel 'Sour Libation'.

Its not been easy at all and living in lagos made both writing and thinking difficult. I had to run away and resume school early for the fist time in my life. I really hope all my sacrfices for this book will not be in vain.

I have to go now so i can look around school to see all i have missed. I'll keep updating my blog about how life is around here as much as I can. Please keep reading this blog and watch this space cos i'll be posting clips from my novel here as well. Thank you all for your support. You are in my heart.

ALONE IN OUR CUBICLE

I cuddled Gozie in my arms and rocked him like a new born baby he wasn’t, as he struggled to breath. I fought hard to hold back my tears while I watched him scramble for air. At that moment, I tried to imagine what he would have looked like then in his mother’s arms as a baby.

I sat beside Gozie, still and without any movements. He fought helplessly to live, yet the best I could do was wave some rumpled pieces of old newspaper- which I barely managed to stretch and flatten well enough to serve as a hand fan- in his face. He was already drenched in sweat by now.

In the midst of his struggle, I noticed he was trying to say something to me. Amidst short gasps for breath he voiced some words which I had a hard time understanding
“aaahhh... tttaakk... thaaa.. thaa.. bbbaaggg...” He said.
I guessed he was referring to his small black knap sack which was a few meters away from where we sat. I stretched over as much as I could to where the bag was and pulled it closer. That bag was the only major property I knew Gozie owned and it had a few of his other belonging suffocated into it.

Gozie was practically in love with this bag. The love they both shared was so strong that on some days he would hug the bag up to his nose and sniff the material of the bag in like a flower. He would smile almost immediately like he had just perceived a sweet scent for this flower. He used to say the bag was a gift from his mother on his twelfth birthday. It was the last gift he ever got from her so he cherished it so much. Gozie and his “sacred knap sack” shared such a relationship that made me think of him as weird, but I was happy that the bag made him smile at least.

As soon as the bag was close enough, he signalled to me to open the bag. I dropped the pieces of paper I clutched in my right palm and unzipped the bag with the same hand. I hoped somehow that the bag contained his source of redemption or salvation. A hard cover note book which was blue in colour stared right at my face as I stared at its surface as well. I took the book out and flipped haste fully through a few pages. I did not have the patience to look through gently, but from the few pages I saw it seemed like the book was a storybook.
“Has Gozie been writing a story?” I asked myself as I looked back at him and our eyes met.

Gozie was still gasping for breath and his light complexion skin was already turning pale. His eye balls were red and sunken, while bags were formed below his lower eyelids.
“Taahhkk... it” he said in what sounded like a whisper but I heard him clearly this time.
I nodded in agreement and patted him on his chest to calm down.
“Don’t worry Gozie you won’t die... you can’t die... you won’t die... please don’t leave me yet...” I said crying profusely like a little child who had just been spanked.
A light liquid ran down my nostrils and dropped on Gozie’s upper lip. I wiped it away with the back of my right palm, sipped the rest on my face into my mouth and continued crying.

I remembered Gozie had some ventolin tablets which he kept anywhere in the room. Gozie’s carelessness was far too annoying. He just could not keep anything properly and it would take him only a few seconds to scatter the whole- little- room, no matter how arranged it is. Gozie knew how to get on my nerves pretty well but I was used to his nuisance already.

Gozie and I lived in one of the small rooms in an uncompleted building. Neighbours who have lived in the area for a longer time said the house belongs to a young man who became mad a few years after he came back from Italy where he used to work. Rumour had it that he was involved in drugs and blood money, people just say all sorts of things to gain attention or have other people listen to them. I cared very little about what they said.

Searching the room for the tablets did not seem like a task at all considering the size of the room. There was no bed, foam, chair, table or any form of furniture so there was nothing to lift up. I placed Gozie’s head down on the floor and crawled away to look for the drugs. I sought for the drugs amongst our few clothes which were tied together in an old faded wrapper that was kept adjacent to the entrance. It took me more time than I thought to scatter the clothes in search of the drugs so i prayed silently to find it because i was afraid of wasting any more time. I search around some more; this time i turned the whole place upside down and i didn’t care about orderliness. “Ah! There it is!” i exclaimed when a drug envelop fell out of the clothes i was holding up.

I clutched the envelop in my hands which had started to shake at that time and raced back to where i had laid Gozie. He was still keeping the fight up as much as he could. I lifted his head up from the ground and cuddled him in my arms again. I placed two of the ventolin tablets in his mouth and fed him with some of my saliva to help make swallowing the pills easier. There was no water in the house at that time and i could not go out to get any either. He gulped the solution quickly and continued his feat.

The episode was barely ten minutes old but Gozie’s body had suddenly grown cold and stiff. I got scared so i held his left palm in mine and made an unvoiced prayer to God to let Gozie survive this. I did not believe God existed but the urge to trust and confine in anyone then made me pray all the same. I needed something to believe in at that time.

Take a minute... Take two...

Think wit me a while.
Deeply. Shut shallowness out
Stick with me
Tenderly. Dont get too stuck.

Lets leave now.
We will return soon.
One day. Not today.
Not tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow

Lets entwine thoughts
and merge hearts.
No words.
No speech.
Just thoughts.

I'm waiting so hurry.
I won't let you down
but you can and i won't forgive.

Take a minute...
Take two...
Leave the third for me.
I'll wait.

Not for so long.

-Chizitere.